There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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