bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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