is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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