i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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