why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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