The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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