Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize