I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize