i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your penis caused this!
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