i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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