im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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