We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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