Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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