oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
After last night, I could never be a politician.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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