you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
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They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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