happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize