New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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