My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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