where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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