i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize