Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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