There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This baby is an asshole
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize