You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize