now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Randomize