Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize