I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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