I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He shit in the fireplace
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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