my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize