after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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