Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize