you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
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why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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