So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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