he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize