Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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