there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
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i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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