As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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