based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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