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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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