please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize