My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize