3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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