Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
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I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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