I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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