so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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