Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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