Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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