So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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