she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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