Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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