The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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