i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh god it's open bar.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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